How to effectively communicate with each other?

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

By Noorul Irfana Mashooq Rahman.

We communicate with people on a daily basis, and what’s better than learning some important types of etiquette that could improve our daily interactions! I personally worked as an elementary school teacher in Sharjah for a period of time. After Allah  blessed me with my third child, I couldn’t get back to work and I didn’t miss the work environment much except for a few wonderful things that used to happen. I reminisced all those small, lovely things and especially remembered the peace greetings.

The school where I used to work, being an Islamic one, had the full Islamic greeting instilled in its students from an early age, so whenever I used to enter any classroom and utter the greetings of peace, the entire class would reply, ‘wa’alaykum as-salaam warahmatul laahi wa barakaatuh’ (and may the peace and blessings [of Allah] be upon you) in unison.

It was so beautiful, so pleasing to the ears and I had taken it for granted! Though I knew I could not have that many duas showered over me now that I was at home, I made a mental note to use every talking/meeting opportunity (provided the kids weren’t crying or in tantrum-mode) to say the full greeting to everybody with the hope of receiving the same beautiful greeting; a small decision with much to yield, In sha Allah.

We meet our brothers and sisters day in and day out. The sunnah of the Prophet (ﷺ) has taught us everything including manners and etiquettes of communicating with people in meetings, gatherings and elsewhere. If we were to follow the sunnah when communicating with people, we would be earning ourselves a great deal of reward, In sha Allah.

So, let’s recall some fantastic communication tips from the sunnah. But before proceeding, remember that our intentions must be pure and sincere, and unnecessary communication with non-mahrams of the opposite sex should be avoided as much as possible:

1. Smile: The Prophet (ﷺ)  said:

“Your smiling in the face of your brother is charity.” [Jami` at-Tirmidhi]
Before you start talking, smile! This is an instant ingredient to start any conversation positively and to remove any past ill feelings that could be present.

Smiling brings joy to the giver and the receiver (imagine being both!).

2. Pay attention to the tone and volume: Beware of your tone and the volume of your voice. Your tone determines whether you will make your relationship or break it. Any undesirable loudness in your voice could put people off and make any further attempts to communicate futile.

“And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys.” [Qur’an: Chapter 31, Verse 19]

3. Start with the Islamic greeting of peace: Whether you know this Muslim or not, the greeting of peace or saying ‘Assalaamu alaykum’ (peace be upon you) is recommended. It will repel hatred and create love between you.

“A man came to the Prophet (ﷺ) and said: Peace be upon you! He responded to his salutation. He then sat down. The Prophet (ﷺ) said: Ten [rewards]. Another man came and said: Peace and Allah’s mercy be upon you! He responded to his salutation when he sat down. He said: Twenty. Another man came and said: Peace and Allah’s mercy and blessings be upon you! He responded to him and said when he sat down: and blessings be upon you! He responded to him and said when he sat down: Thirty.” [Sunan Abi Dawud]

Habituate yourself with saying the full and complete greeting and earn 30 rewards every single time you greet someone!

4. Shake hands: Accompany your greeting with shaking hands (if you are greeting your mahram or a person of your gender).

“There are no two Muslims who meet and shake hands, but they will be forgiven before they part.” [Sunan Ibn Majah]

5. Inquire about people: Ask them how they are doing and inquire about their health and well-being and that of their family and friends. They will feel loved and cared for.

6. Remember not all are the same: Consider people’s different characteristics and differences while communicating. Keep in mind their age, status, temperament and other factors.

7. Teach at every opportunity: The Prophet (ﷺ) used every chance to enjoin the good and forbid the evil. If there is ever a need for you to say something corrective in nature, do so gently.

8. Refrain from the common evils of the tongue: People getting together and communicating with each other often leads to falling into various sins related to the tongue such as talking about Allah  without knowledge, slandering, lying, insulting and cursing. These habits are grievous sins that eat away at our rewards and the barakah in our lives: make it a habit to ensure whether anything you are about to say may constitute any of these sins. And, if you were to indulge in joking, let the jokes be true. The Prophet (ﷺ)  said:

“A slave (of Allah) may utter a word which pleases Allah without giving it much importance, and because of that Allah will raise him to degrees (of reward): a slave (of Allah) may utter a word (carelessly) which displeases Allah without thinking of its gravity and because of that he will be thrown into the Hell-Fire.” [Sahih al-Bukhari]

9. Choose simple, concise words: Avoid complex language and sophisticated terminologies. Instead, try to stick to concise words and phrases that are of eloquence and seek to be understood. The Prophet (ﷺ) said:

“I have been given superiority over the other prophets in six respects: I have been given words which are concise but comprehensive in meaning” […] [Sahih Muslim].

He (ﷺ) spoke with clarity and made people comprehend easily, sometimes by even repeating his words thrice.

10. Stay away from argumentation: Being nice is easy when you’re dealing with nice people. But, practically speaking, this world has more to it than such people. Despite your best efforts, you are bound to walk into not-so-nice people. Try not to fall into disputes and argumentation.

“And obey Allah and His Messenger, and do not dispute (with one another) lest you lose courage and your strength depart, and be patient. Surely, Allah is with those who are As-Sabirin (the patient ones, etc.).” [Qur’an: Chapter 8, Verse 46]

If you realize you are already in a dispute, be wise and argue with that which is better. Allah  says:

“And not equal are the good deed and the bad. Repel [evil] by that [deed] which is better; and thereupon the one whom between you and him is enmity [will become] as though he was a devoted friend.” [Qur’an: Chapter 41, Verse 34]

If you find the argument going nowhere positive, stop before you get angry, smile and retreat after trying your best to reconcile for when a man said to the Prophet (ﷺ)  “Advise me,” he said: “Do not get angry.” He repeated his question several times and again the Prophet (ﷺ) said: “Do not get angry.” [Bukhari]

11. End with the greeting: Before departing, smile, shake hands and greet people warmly with the salam.

12. In writing, start with Allah’s Name: If you were to communicate in writing, in addition to the points above that are relevant, it is desirable to start your written communication with ‘Bismillaahir Rahmaanir Raheem’ [In the name of Allah, the Continuously Merciful, the Especially Merciful]. This was done by the Prophet  numerous times when he dispatched letters to kings and heads of peoples and tribes.

So that was a list of the basic etiquette from the sunnah on communicating effectively with people. Smiling and starting with the salam, speaking kindly and gently, showing warmth by shaking hands or a hug, giving due respect and/or showing love by considering the position of whom you are addressing, saying only that which is good and beneficial, choosing to be patient and kind over being right, and always ending with a warm smile and the salam: what a beautiful way to create love in your brother’s or sister’s heart for you!

Here’s a verse to further motivate you to communicate the sunnah way:

“Whoever comes [on the Day of Judgement] with a good deed will have ten times the like thereof [to his credit], and whoever comes with an evil deed will not be recompensed except the like thereof; and they will not be wronged.” [Qur’an: Chapter 6, Verse 160]

I hope this reminder of communicating effectively by following the sunnah has benefited you, In-Sha-Allah. Do share great ways you’ve discovered or tried in communicating effectively with others.

I leave you with the best greetings: Wassalaamu alaykum warahmatul laahi wabarakaatuh! (May the peace and mercy and blessings of Allah be upon you).

Source: productivemuslim.com

She was Pretty..

In the  Name  of Allah, the  Most Gracious, the  Most Merciful.

She spend half of her life ..

Plucking and waxing, moisturizing , dieting, exercising , brushing ,applying , removing , tucking this , hiding that , cleaning this washing that , buying this and buying that ....

Wearing clothes that hung gracefully to her shape , accessories to add taste , fake eyelashes here , fake extensions there , piercing this and tattooing that ...

"It was her body" she argued to those who criticized her.

Then came the day she died ..

 She was locked in a box and the key was thrown away, her coffin left to lay amongst the dirt, where her body will slowly disintegrate to nothing as the maggots ,feast on the skin she used to take so much care of !

“It’s my body" she had argued..

No !!! It was NEVER your body but it was given by Allah..

For if it was your body surely you'd have never left it behind.

"Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return" (Surah Baqara : 156)

••Oh ya Allah !!! Forgive all my sins.. Great and small sins, the first and the last sins, those that are apparent and those that are hidden ••

Ameen ya Rabb !!  :)

Reference: Nikah Explorer

Meaning of Nine words Women use!

In the Name of  Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

 

1. Fine

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes

If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing

This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4. Go Ahead

This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

5. Loud Sigh

This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing).

6. That’s Okay

This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks

A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here: This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’. That will bring on a ‘whatever’).

8. Whatever is a woman’s way of saying…Go to Hell!

9. Don’t worry about it, I got it

Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to #3.

It’s a fact, women are Extremely Complicated! But whatever they are, women are the most beautiful creation of Allah.

Smile, It’s Sunnah J

Reference: NIkah Explorer

A Glimpse of Jannah (Eternal Bliss)

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

Ibn al-Qayyim (r.a.) said, in regards to the description of the Paradise and the delights that it contains:

"And if you ask about its ground and its soil, then it is of musk and saffron. 

And if you ask about its roof, then it is the Throne of the Most Merciful. 

And if you ask about its rocks, then they are pearls and jewels. 

And if you ask about its buildings, then they are made of bricks of gold and silver. 
And if you ask about its trees, then it does not contain a single tree except that its trunk is made of gold and silver. 

And if you ask about its fruits, then they are softer than butter and sweeter than honey. 
And if you ask about its leaves, then they are softer than the softest cloth.

And if you ask about its rivers, then there are rivers of milk who’s taste does not change, and rivers of wine that is delicious to those who drink it, and rivers of honey that is pure, and rivers of water that is fresh.

And if you ask about their food, then it is fruits from whatever they will choose, and the meat of whatever birds they desire.

And if you ask about their drink, then it is Tasneem, ginger, and Kaafoor.

And if you ask about their drinking cups, then they are crystal-clear and made of gold and silver.

And if you ask about its shade, then a fast rider would ride in the shade of one of its trees for a hundred years and not escape it.

And if you ask about its vastness, then the lowest of its people would have within his kingdom and walls and palaces and gardens the distance that would be travelled in a thousand years.

And if you ask about its tents and encampments, then one tent is like a concealed pearl that is sixty miles long.

And if you ask about its towers, then they are rooms above rooms in buildings that have rivers running underneath them.

And if you ask about how far it reaches into the sky, then look at the shining star that is visible, as well as those that are far in the heavens that the eyesight cannot possibly reach.
And if you ask about the clothing of its inhabitants, then they are of silk and gold.
And if you ask about its beds, then its blankets are of the finest silk laid out in the highest of its levels.

And if you ask about the faces of its inhabitants and their beauty, then they are like the image of the Moon.

And if you ask about their age, then they are young ones of 33 years in the image of Adam, the father of humanity.

And if you ask about what they will be hearing, then it is the singing of their wives from among the Hoor al-‘Ayn, and better than that are the voices of the Angels and the Prophets, and better than that is the Speech of the Lord of the Worlds.

And if you ask about their servants, then they are young boys of everlasting youth who resemble scattered pearls.

And if you ask about their brides and wives, then they are young and full-breasted and have had the liquid of youth flow through their limbs; the Sun runs along the beauty of her face if she shows it, light shines from between her teeth if she smiles; if you meet her love, then say whatever you want regarding the joining of two lights; he sees his face in the roundness of her cheek as if he is looking into a polished mirror, and he sees the brightness from behind her muscles and bones; if she were to be unleashed upon the World, she would fill what is between the Heavens and the Earth with a beautiful wind, and the mouths of the creation would glorifiy, praise, and exclaim greatness, and everything between the East and the West would be adorned for her, and every eye would be shut from everthing but her, and the light of the Sun would be outshone just as the light of the Sun outshines the light of the stars, and everyone on the face of the Earth would believe in the Ever-Living, the One who Sustains and Protects all the exists.

And the covering on her head is better than the World and all that is in it, and she does not increase with age except in beauty; free from an umbilical cord, childbirth and menses, and pure of mucous, saliva, urine and other filthy things; her youth never fades, her clothing is never worn out, no garment can be created that matches her beauty, and no one who is with her can ever become bored; her attention is restricted to her husband, so she desires none but him, just as his attention is restricted to her so she is the sole object of his desire, and he is with her in utmost safety and security, as none has touched her before of either humans or Jinn.

And if you ask about the Day of Increase (in reward) and the visit of the all-Mighty, all-Wise, and the sight of His Face - free from any resemblance or likeness to anything - as you see the Sun in the middle of the day and the full Moon on a cloudless night, then listen on the day that the caller will call: 'O People of Paradise! Your Lord - Blessed and Exalted - requests you to visit Him, so come to visit Him!' So they will say: ‘We hear and obey!’ 
Until, when they finally reach the wide valley where they will all meet - and none of them will turn down the request of the caller - the Lord - Blessed and Exalted - will order His Chair to be brought there. Then, pulpits of light will emerge, as well as pulpits of pearls, gemstone, gold, and silver. The lowest of them in rank will sit on sheets of musk, and will not see what those who are on the chairs above them are given. When they are comfortable where they are sitting and are secure in their places, and the caller calls: 'O People of Paradise! You have an appointment with Allaah in which He wishes to reward you!' So they will say: ‘And what is that reward? Has He not already made our faces bright, made our scales heavy, entered us into Paradise, and pushed us away from the Fire?’ 

And when they are like that, all of a sudden a light shines that encompasses all of Paradise. So, they raise their heads, and, behold: the Compeller - Exalted is He, and Holy are His Names - has come to them from above them and majestified them and said: 'O People of Paradise! Peace be upon you!' So, this greeting will not be responded to with anything better than: ‘O Allaah! You are Peace, and from You is Peace! Blessed are You, O possessor of Majesty and Honor!’ So the Lord - Blessed and Exalted - will laugh to them and say: 'O People of Paradise! Where are those who used to obey Me without having ever seen Me? This is the Day of Increase!'

So, they will all give the same response: ‘We are pleased, so be pleased with us!’ So, He will say: 'O People of Paradise! If I were not pleased with you, I would not have made you inhabitants of My Paradise! So, ask of Me!' So, they will all give the same response: ‘Show us your Face so that we may look at it!’ So, the Lord - Mighty and Majestic - will remove his covering and will majestify them and will cover them with His Light, which, if Allaah - the Exalted - had not Willed not to burn them, would have burned them. 

And there will not remain a single person in this gathering except that his Lord - the Exalted - will speak to him and say: 'Do you remember the day that you did this and that?' and He will remind him of some of his bad deeds in the Worldy life, so he will say: ‘O Lord! Will you not forgive me?’ So, He will say: 'Of course! You have not reached this position of yours (in Paradise) except by my forgiveness.'

So, how sweet is this speech to the ears, and how cooled are the righteous eyes by the glance at His Noble Face in the Afterlife…

{Some faces that Day will be shining and radiant, looking at their Lord…} (al-Qiyaamah:22-3)

[Haadi al-Arwaah ilaa Bilaad il-Afraah by Ibn al-Qayyim, pg. 193]

ibnulqayyim°

That is Love!

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

By Yasmin Mogahed.
As humans, we are made to feel love and attachment towards others. This is part of our human nature. While we can feel this way about another human being, five times a day we enter into a meeting with our Lord and Creator. I wondered how often we ever felt the whole world disappear while in His presence. Can we really claim that our love for Allah is greater than our love for anyone and anything else?

So often we think that Allah only tests us with hardships, but isn’t true. Allah also tests with ease. He tests us with na’im (blessings) and with the things we love, and it is often in these tests that so many of us fail. We fail because when Allah gives us blessings, we unwittingly turn them into false idols of the heart.

When Allah blesses us with money, We depend on the money rather than Allah, We forget that the source of our provision is not and never  was the money, but rather it was the giver of that money. In doing so, we are foolishly and ironically disobeying the Provider in order to protect the provision.

And so there are some who spend their whole lives seeking. Sometimes giving, sometimes taking, sometimes chasing, but often, just waiting. They believe that love is a place that you get to: a destination at the end of a long road. and they can’t wait for that road to end at their destination. They are those hearts moved by the movement of hearts. Those hopeless romantics, the sucker for a love story, or any sincere expression of true devotion. For them, the search is almost a lifelong obsession of sorts. But, this tragic ‘quest’ can have its costs- and its gifts.

The path of expectations and the ‘falling in love with love’ is a painful one, but it can bring its own lessons. Lessons about the nature of love, this world, people, and one’s own heart, can pave this often painful path. Most of all, this path can bring its own lessons about the Love of Creator.

Those who take this route will often reach the knowledge that the human love they seek was not the destination. Some form of that human love, can be a gift. It can be a means, but the moment you make it the End, you will fail. And you will live your whole life with the wrong focus. You will become willing to sacrifice the Goal for the sake of the means. You will give your life to reaching a ‘destination’ of worldly perfection that does not exist.

And the one, who runs after a mirage, never gets there; but keeps running. And so too will you keep running, and the willing to lose sleep, cry, bleed, and sacrifice precious parts of yourself- at times, even your own dignity. You’ll never reach what you’re looking for in this life, because what you seek isn’t a worldly destination. The Type of perfection you seek cannot be found in the material world. It can only be found in God (Allah).

That image of human love that you seek is an illusion in the desert of life. So, if that is what you seek, you’ll keep chasing. But no matter how close you get to a mirage, you never touch it. You don’t own an image. You can’t hold a creation of your own mind.

Yet, you will give your whole life, still, to reaching this ‘place’. You do this because in the fairy tale, that’s  where the story ends. It ends at the finding, the joining, and the wedding. It is found at the oneness of two souls. And everyone around you will make you think that your path ends there: at the place where you meet your soul mate, your other half- at the point in the path where you get married. Then and only then, they tell you, you will ever finally be complete. This, of course, is a lie because completion cannot be found in anything other than God (Allah).

Yet the lesson you've been taught since the time you were little- from every story, every song, every movie, every ad, every well-meaning auntie- is that you aren't complete otherwise. And if- God forbid- you are one of the ‘outcasts’ who haven’t gotten married, or have been divorced, you are considered deficient or incomplete in some way.

The lesson you’re taught is that the story ends at the wedding, and then that’s when Jannah (Paradise) begins. That’s when you’ll be saved and completed and everything that was once broken will be fixed. The only problem is, that’s not where the story ends. That’s where it begins. That’s where the building starts: the building of a life, the building of your character, the building of sabr, patience, perseverance, and sacrifice. The building of selfishness. The building of love.

However if the person you marry becomes your ultimate focus in life, your struggle has just begun. Now your spouse will become your greatest test. Until you remove that person from the place in your heart that only God should be, it will keep hurting. Ironically, your spouse will become the tool for this painful extraction process, until you learn that there are places in the human heart made only by- and for- God (Allah).

And the building of your path back to Him.

Among the other lessons you may learn along this path- after a long road of loss, gain, failure, success, and so many mistakes- is that there are at least two types of love. There will be some people you love because of what you get from them; what they give you, the way they make you feel. This is perhaps the majority of love- which is also what makes much of love son unstable. A person’s capacity to give is inconstant and changing. Your spouse to what you are given is also inconstant and changing. So if you’re chasing a feeling, you’ll always be chasing. No feeling is ever constant. If love is dependent on this, it too becomes inconstant and changing. And just like everything in this world, the more you chase it, the more it will run away from you.

But, once in a while, people enter your life that you love- not for what they give you- but for what they are. The beauty you see in them is a reflection of the Creator, so you love them, Now suddenly it isn't about what you’re getting, but rather what you can give. This is unselfish love. This second type of love is the rarest. And if it is based in, and not competing with, the love of God, it will also bring about the most joy. To love in any other  way is to need, to be dependent, to have expectations- all the ingredients for misery and disappointment.

So for all those who have spent their life seeking, know that purity of anything is found at the Source. If it is love that you seek, seek it through God. Every other stream, not based in His love, poisons the one who drinks from it. And the drinker will continue to drink, until the poison all but kills him. He will continue to die more and more inside, until he stops and finds the pure Source of water.

Once you begin to see everything beautiful as only a reflection of God’s beauty, you will learn to love in the right way: for His sake. Everything and everyone you love will be for, through and because of Him. The foundation of such love is God. So what you hold onto will no longer be just a unstable feeling, a fleeting emotion. And what you chase will no longer be just a temporary high. What you hold, what you chase, what you love, will be God: the only thing stable and constant. Thereafter, everything else will be through Him. Everything you give or take or love or don’t love, will be by Him. Not by your nafs. It will be for Him. Not for your nafs.

This means you will love what He loves and not love what He does not love. And when you do love, you will give to the creation- not for what you can get in return from them. You will love and you will give, but you will be sufficed from Him, for Him, and because of Him. That is the liberation of the self from servitude to any created thing. And that is freedom. That is happiness.

That is Love <3.

Is this Love that I’m Feeling?

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

Image: love

By Yasmin Mogahed.
“Love is a serious mental disease.” At least that’s how Plato put it. And while anyone who’s

ever been Love’ might see some truth to this statement, there is a crucial mistake made

here. Love is not a mental disease. Desire is.

If being ‘in Love’ means our lives are in pieces and we are completely broken, miserable, utterly consumed, hardly able to function, and willing to sacrifice everything, chances are it’s not love. Despite what we are taught in popular culture, true love is not supposed to make us like drug addicts.

And so, contrary to what we’ve grown up watching in movies, that type of all-consuming obsession is not love. It goes by a different name. It is hawa- the word in the Holy Qur’an to refer to one’s lower, vain desires and lusts. Allah describes the people who blindly follow these desires as those who are most astray: “But if they answer you not, then know that only follow his own lusts (hawa). And who is more astray than the one who follows his own lusts, without guidance from Allah?” (The Holy Qur’an, 28:50)

By choosing to submit to our hawa over the guidance of Allah, we are choosing to worship those desires. When our love for what we crave is stronger than our love for Allah, we have taken that which we crave as a lord. Allah says: “Yet there are men who take (for worship) others besides Allah, as equal (with Allah): They love them as they should love Allah. But those of Faith are overflowing in their love for Allah.” (The Holy Qur’an 2:165)

If our ‘Love’ for something makes us willing to give up our family, our dignity, our self-respect, our bodies, our sanity, our peace of mind, our deen and our even our Lord who created us from nothing, know that we are not ‘in Love’. We are slaves.

Of such a person Allah says: “Do you see such a one as takes his own vain desires (hawa) as his lord? Allah has, knowing (him as much), left him astray, and sealed his hearing and his heart, and put a cover on his sight. (The Holy Qur’an, 45:23)

Real love brings about calm- not inner torment. True love allows you to be at peace with yourself and with God. That is why Allah says: “that you may dwell in tranquility.” Hawa is the opposite. Hawa will make you miserable. And just like a drug, you will crave it always, but never be satisfied. You will chase it to your own retirement, but never reach it. And though you submit your whole self to it, it will never bring you happiness.

True or pure love should never contradict or complete with one’s love for Allah. It should strengthen it. That is why true love is only possible within the boundaries of what Allah has made permissible. Outside of that, it is nothing more then hawa, to which we either submit or reject. We are either slaves to Allah, or slaves to our hawa. It cannot be both.

Only by struggling against false pleasure, can we attain true pleasure. They are by definition mutually exclusive. For that reason, the struggle against our desires is a prerequisite for the attainment of paradise. Allah says: “But as for he who feared the position of his Lord and prevented the soul from (unlawful) inclination, then indeed, Paradise will be (his) refuge.” (The Holy Qur’an 79:40-4)

Continue on next article: "This is Love."