Love: A New Beginning!

In the Name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

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Marriage is the beginning of a love story, not the end like it is shown in most American movies. Most “love movies” have “a happy end”: they end with the wedding. For me it should be the other way around. A real love movie should start with the wedding. According to me, the reason why there are so many divorces in the West is because in the West lust has priority over love and commitment. A relationship based on lust is superficial. Two people who are united by lust will sooner or later fall for any struggle, because there is ego involved. When the ego takes over is when one is unable to find love and peace inside himself, because he is obscured by all the layers he has on himself – his heart is covered with “stuff” and there is no space for pure love to arise. The relationship becomes defensive and reactionary. The couple takes things personally, simply because of the ego in them.

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On the other hand, a Muslim family sticks together, works out everything together, faces the challenges together and eventually overcomes them with love and peace. Why? Because they believe in Allah and therefore are conscious about the meaning of their union, based on togetherness in order to get closer to the creator. “Who is more astray than one who follows his own lusts, devoid of guidance from Allah? For Allah guides not people given to wrongdoing” [28:50]

Getting married for the sake of Allah The way a Muslimah chooses her husband who becomes her life partner until death separates them physically on earth is based on her faith in Allah and nothing else. What does it really mean to marry someone for the sake of Allah? It means that you love that person based on how much he loves Allah.

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In that way, you can’t make a mistake in choosing your life partner. A Muslimah who loves Allah would never marry a man who goes astray and misbehaves (meaning going against the beautiful principles written in the Qur’an). The more he is spiritual and therefore connected to Allah, the more you love him. This love is not based on temporary passion and heartbeats caused by chemistry between two people. The love for the sake of Allah is that type of love which is strong right from the start two people connect spiritually (spiritual connection means that both love Allah) and which grows day by day with every challenge and every beautiful period of time shared together. It does not finish because one of them might have fallen for another man/woman, because the person who loves Allah would never fall for someone else. The person who loves Allah, does not get angry.

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He is patient and understanding and prays to Allah when there is a clash between the couple. Eventually, through the prayers you create more peace, more love and more patience in your heart. You end up feeling more connected to Allah, your creator, more spiritual and as a result you embrace the challenge between you and your spouse and face it with love and peace. How can there be a serious struggle in this way? There can’t. Therefore, a love story starts with the marriage. Not with a kiss. Not with a “one night stand” that could eventually turn out to be the start of a relationship.

Is this kind of relationship based on “love”? This kind of relationship will sooner or later break down because it is based on nothing concrete. Just physical attraction which is not enough to keep a relationship and a heart full of infinite love. However, physical attraction is a very important part in a relationship, but it is not the start of a marriage/love story. It is the completion of it.

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When two people are united for the sake of Allah, they will automatically love each other and feel attracted to each other. That’s when you honour the person you are sharing your life with. That’s when you respect him and accept him the way he is – beautiful and pure, because his heart is pure. His heart beats for Allah and Allah says in the Qur’an to love, care and take care of your family. Marriage in Islam is purposeful. Its purpose is to get closer to Allah through your husband/wife. The more challenges you face and overcome, the closer you are to Allah. The more you make an effort towards your husband/wife and family, the closer you get to Allah.

Marriage in Islam is based on peace and love. It is a spiritual connection between two human beings who love each other no matter what. This is what is known as pure love. As our Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) says: The one who married for deen is blessed. I dropped those few lines while reflecting on the marriage which is a blessing and gift from Allah and I would love to integrate my words with a speech by Yasmin Mogahed who I honour for her beautiful and inspiring work.

I hope that this brief piece of writing was useful for Muslim and non-Muslim couples. May Allah guide you all to the right path – the one where peace and love are infinite.

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